Hocus Pocus... or not?
Professor Cuthbert Binns, like all the ghosts at Hogwarts, was no surprise to the Duckula brothers. They knew ghosts and had encountered him now and then. That's why they accost them as a matter of course. There was just nothing special about it. His way of teaching was.
Count Duckula had trouble following his explanations, he seemed to him more like a sleeping pill.
His voice was always in the same tone, the subject matter seemed like a soporific chant.
It was not long before Count Duckula's eyes simply fell shut, his head finally landed on the textbook and he fell asleep.
The snoring that followed did not disturb the professor of the history of magic. Well, some students did, at least, the other half of the class also fell asleep after a short while.
It was not until Count Duckula even fell off his chair that he awoke, drowsy. He looked at Vladimir, who was packing up his history book because class was over. "How did you manage to stay awake?"
Vladimir grinned. "I was thinking of something else the whole time."
"About what?"
Vladimir shrugged his shoulders. "All sorts of things that went through my head. I wonder what we could do on weekends, or what new melodies we could practise on our violins."
"And... and you were able to follow the lessons?"
Vladimir grinned broadly. "It's an art in itself to look like you're still listening to what the teacher is saying!"
At the next lesson, Count Duckula bobbed a fin under the table and whistled a melody in his mind, which ran through his head.
In Muggle Studies, Vladimir knew more about Muggles than the teacher, having lived among them for decades. Which is why he always made remarks in class.
For Count Duckula the lessons were quite interesting because he actually wanted to live like a normal Muggle, it was nice to be able to do magic, but to be simple was his, not quite secret, dream.
When Count Duckula once forgot one of his school books in the dormitory, he did not give it a second thought, but disappeared in a small flash and a cloud of smoke. His classmates looked speechlessly at the spot where he had just been standing.
For Count Duckula it was only a brief moment, he quickly picked out his school book, grabbed it, and then appeared among his classmates just as he had come.
They started at him.
"I...I thought you couldn't Apparate at Hogwarts?" Stuttered one of the Ravenclaws.
"Appa...what...?" Count Duckula shook his head and laughed. "I didn't either! I don't even know what it is?"
"You... you... just disappeared and reappeared... that, you learn much later." Another Hufflepuff remarked.
Count Duckula's face lit up. "Oh THAT! Now I know what you mean..." he smiled almost sheepishly. "That's right, that's what you call it. Now THAT's what I've been doing forever! And I don't even know how I do it!"
"But... it doesn't change the fact that you can't do that as a wizard at Hogwarts. There is a spell on the castle that prevents that." Remarked a Ravenclaw again.
Vladimir stepped forward. "Well it could be because my brother - and I, are not human wizards."
"True. You are more like magical creatures! That's why Hagrid likes you so much..." the Syl .... student stepped forward. "What about Professor Raue-Pritsche, by the way?"
Vladimir was about to say something, but Count Duckula pushed him aside. "Her first name is Wilhelmina, is that right?"
The student pondered. "I think... yes. Why?"
"Wilhelmina... Mina... that says it all!"
Comprehensionless looks met him. "I don't understand."
But the Duckulas only grinned at each other. "Just make yourselves smart."
Filius Flikwick, Magic Studies. Count Duckula loved this teacher alone because he could look them comfortably in the eye without feeling a tightening of the neck. "Finally, someone with a reasonable height!"
The handling of the wand was also in his interest, even if there were difficulties in the pronunciation of the spells.
Sometimes it was even easier for him than for the others. For his mother tongue was closer to Latin than to English.
One day when he lifted his wand to cast a spell, the wall suddenly collapsed.
"Mr Duckula, the spell was not Bombarda..." Flikwick was about to admonish him.
But this rebuke was unnecessary, because a big fat chicken with one arm in a sling appeared in the wall and walked towards Count Duckula.
At the same moment, Duckula wished he was just a magic misfortune.
"Duckyputz...flea...are you all right? Are you being taken care of? Do you have fresh laundry, do they make sure that you wash yourselves properly? Do you clean your beaks?! Do you get good food?"
Count Duckula would have liked to sink into the ground with shame. "Emma..."
Emma turned to the dazzled Filius Flikwick. "Oh forgive me, I wish you good day! Normally I am not too rude.
But you must forgive me, I am worried about my little pupils. Master Duckula is so foolish when it comes to eating, he just won't eat meat... no wonder he's so thin! And Vladimir, the little flea must be on a strict diet!"
Flikwick cleared his throat. "Forgive Madam, you are disturbing the lesson, and believe me here the students are well looked after."
"Oh... oh if that is so. Sorry to disturb you!" With that she stomped out again.
The rest of the students looked after her, puzzled. "Who was that?"
"Our housekeeper." Stammered Count Duckula.
"She sounded more like a nanny, though."
Count Duckula only cleared his throat.
Pomona Sprout's warm-hearted and cheerful manner made her tutor particularly popular with Count Duckula. He thought she was simply wonderful!
And actually he particularly liked her school subject too, especially as he was interested in gardening and plants anyway.
After all, he had given his own garden a lot of love and work, even if it was quite small due to the location.
Count Duckula loved to grow his own food there, especially the broccoli and tomatoes were a treat.
But these plants, which Pomona Sprout introduced him to, sometimes made him think.
They seemed so alive! Not that he thought plants were not living things, oh no! But these often had a temperament that threatened him. He had already met carnivorous plants several times and these...
He looked questioningly at his teacher. "Don't they like to eat ducks either?"
She smiled at him. "No. Don't worry, but you should be careful, they can be quite poisonous if you handle them wrong."
Count Duckula frowned. "Does that mean that they are poison? Or that they become poisonous and bite you if you touch them wrong?"
Why did everything have to be so complicated here?
But the real trouble was with the mandrakes, when she was supposed to repot them, he fastened the earmuffs extra tightly to his ear holes, tying an additional scarf around them for safety.
He plucked the plant from its pot and immediately it began to scream, thoughtfully he looked at it in his hands.
They really looked like little living creatures... with hands, arms, legs... a face. Count Duckula swallowed.
He hurriedly poured his allraunen.
When all the students had finished, the professor explained what they would do with the plant later.
"When they grow up we will prune them... and..."
The teacher got no further with her explanation, Count Duckula's eyes went black and he fainted.
Dumbfounded, the other students looked at him. "But it doesn't scream allraunen anymore."
Vladimir bent over his brother, addressing him. "That's not the problem."
"No... no... that's not it..." Count Duckula held his head as he regained consciousness. "...It's..." he looked at his teacher.
"We... I... you can't just cut up these plants!" He pointed to the allraunas.
"Look at them!...I mean...they're alive...they're alive...they...they have a face...cutting them up...that...that's cruel! So I don't know if you can do it - but I can't do that! No!" He crossed his arms, stood in front of his Allraunen.
"And if I have to, I will defend mine! No, mine will not die! As sure as my name is Count Duckula!"
In the following lesson, "Defence against the dark arts", the students were to learn how to defend themselves against a boggart.
"Don't be afraid, a boggart is not a real danger to you. But he always turns into the thing you are most afraid of. With the Riddikulus spell, you have to imagine the thing you are most afraid of in such a way that it becomes ridiculous!"
Their teacher explained.
While all the students were thinking about what it was they were most afraid of and how to make it funny, Vladimir had a question for the teacher. "What if what you are most afraid of is not a person or an object, but a state?"
"What do you mean by a condition?"
"Being alone, cut off from everyone in a hostile world."
"Now Vladimir, this is certainly not what a boggart can represent. Keep thinking Vladimir... but the boggart will show you what fear you still have, for he will know your deepest secrets."
Vladimir heard everyone else behind him gulp, he did too, then he gathered himself and straightened up, pointing his wand at the cupboard with the suitcases. "I'm ready!"
"Good Vladimir..." the teacher opened the cupboard. Out jumped a huge Siberian Tiger / Amur Tiger which approached Vladimir roaring and snarling. Vladimir's wand shook.
"Remember Vladimir, it is an illusion." He heard his teacher's voice behind him.
Vladimir nodded, and closed his eyes. "Riddikulus!"
Instantly, the mighty tiger transformed, into a small pink one with a purple tail, big tacky sunglasses on its nose, and its hind legs tucked into little boots.
Behind Vladimir the others laughed, satisfied Vladimir nodded.
"One question," Count Duckula whispered in his ear. "I suppose it wasn't enough for Puss in Boots?"
"I thought it wasn't ridiculous enough." Vladimir whispered back.
Count Duckula felt the teacher now pushing him forward. "Your turn..."
"I..." Before the count could utter another interjection. The kitten turned into a huge potato with a grim expression on its face, a plough in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This really caused general laughter.
"Vegetarian! You have my brothers and sisters, boiled in water, stewed in hot pans! And roasted in ovens!"
Startled, Count Duckula had almost dropped his wand, but the teacher held it reassuringly and calmed the trembling Count.
"Riddikulus..." reminded the latter of the spell.
Count Duckula took a deep breath. "Riddikulus!"
Instantly the potato turned into a large crisp wearing a Mexican hat and holding a jar of cheese dip in one hand.
The crisp looked dumbfounded at itself as well as at the cheese dip.
Count Duckula took a deep breath, smiled and turned to his teacher with satisfaction....
Another time they started talking about creatures of darkness.
"Werewolves... are people who turn into a wolf at full moon and attack and eat people. If such a person survives such an attack, he becomes a werewolf himself. Werewolves live..."
"Sometimes in cellars." Vladimir added involuntarily to their teacher's remark.
The teacher was taken aback. "What makes you think that, Vladimir?"
"Well... our butler and housekeeper have kept a pet werewolf in our dungeons for centuries."
The classmates didn't know whether to laugh or believe his story.
The teachers obviously felt the same way. "But Vladimir, no werewolf lives that long."
"Maybe, but everything is different here in the castle."
Count Duckula nodded. "True. Think about it, my butler has been reawakening himself for centuries. But he's just a vulture. Nothing more...he doesn't have an Orphan's Stone either...Er Wise Men. I mean, this isn't normal, is it?"
In the middle of this conversation, it seemed strange to Count Duckula that no one found it strange that this very vulture was their Potions teacher.
Strange.
"Maybe we should talk about vampires instead?" A classmate interjected. "I mean we have two among us!"
Annoyed, Count Duckula screwed up his face.
The teacher saw this and cleared his throat. "I don't think this class is ready for that topic yet, look up your book on the topic of pixies..."
Minerva McGonogall the subject of "transformations" was another subject that caused problems for the Duckula brothers. This began with the fact that neither of them had a magical animal that they could bring to class. Neither an owl, nor a cat, nor a toad, nor a rat could they call their own. However, Vladimir solved this problem very quickly, disappeared into the castle and returned with two rats which he had hunted down. In each hand he now held a totally confused animal and spoke sternly to them.
"Okay! You belong to us now and be very good! then nothing will happen to you... otherwise..." he hissed "you will get to know me from another side!" Startled, the rats squealed and decided to be very good. "There you go, who said it!"
Vladimir sat down by his brother, placing the rat on the table in front of him. "Please! Problem solved - that's how quick it is!"
Minerva McGonogall looked at them, cleared her throat and began the lesson. "And now you must learn to turn your animals into a goblet..."
She explained.
Count Duckula and Vladimir looked at each other, then at the trembling rats before them.
Vladimir put his wand aside and crossed his arms. "No!"
"Oh yes!... I mean they are living, thinking creatures, don't they bleed when you hurt them? you can't just turn them into an object!"
To which a Gryffindor couldn't help but remark. "Ah a vampire talks of blood!"
Count Duckula rumbled, Minerva McGonogall not responding to the remark.
"But they do turn them back, they don't stay a trophy."
Count Duckula lifted his rat, looked it in the eye and put it back. "I don't know..."
A classmate nudged Vladimir on the shoulder. "But you hunt rats yourself and kill them too."
The rats on the table flinched.
"Yes. But only when I can't help it and I'm hungry. I was taught that you should never kill someone for fun."
Vladimir replied.
"Well, your attitude is commendable, but you are not supposed to kill the rat, just transform it... for a moment. They are not harming the rat after all." McGonogall explained.
"I don't know" Count Duckula continued to be thoughtful. "I mean, isn't that a shock to the rat? I mean... I don't want to be turned into an object - and I'm a duck."
"Of course, if this is difficult for them, they can drop the lesson in that case. But bear in mind that you will miss it later in lessons."
Count Duckula thought for a moment, quietly conferring with his brother. Both finally put their wands aside.
McGonogall observed. "Very well, as you wish."
Later that evening, the Duckula brothers sat on the bed and talked thoughtfully.
"You know, Vladimir. I think it's really wonderful here... but sometimes everything makes me very thoughtful. It is forbidden to turn people into animals. But you are taught to turn animals into objects! And we are ducks!"
Count Duckula clenched his beak. "Where does black magic actually begin - and where does it end? I mean, you learn to make magic potions that can cloud your senses, that can kill... isn't that already black magic? Are the transitions perhaps fluid?" Resolutely, he added. "if so, I don't want to learn everything! Even if I trap through the exam! I am an Honest Duckula!"